A Dick by another name.
Part of the reason I will be shutting down my Instagram account is because I am changing my name. A very different person created that account. I am SO proud of what she did even if she never reached her goal of 10k followers.
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I am still me… but changed. Grown. Shifted. Pupated. Shed my Edgar suit (this one is for Ashley 😂).
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The backstory:
I have always wanted to change my name. It is a borrowed name. It never felt like it fit. My friends in high school started calling me Andie after I told them about how I felt about Andrea. An ex called my Susy-Q using my middle name. I went back to Andrea for awhile to sound more mature. Then I moved back to Andie because it fit a bit better. Like a good Jean, but you need one size up because they shrank in the wash.
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When I was little, one of my favorite movies was We’re Back! A film made by Steven Spielberg’s company as a more family friendly alternative to Jurassic Park. One of the main characters in this movie was named Cecilia. I fell in love with the name. For a short time in the 90s, I wanted to change my name to Jennifer. One time I made a flip board presentation on why I should get to change my name to Jennifer.
I’ve always loved Lucy. From Lucille herself to the future Lucy Gallagher, Lucy is still a favorite. Besides that, it has always been Cecilia. So much so that during the last decade, I have kept it in my mind and thrown it out to a few people testing the waters.
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I have search for over a decade trying to find the name of my Biological Grandfather’s family. I am adopted. My Biological Dad’s father was adopted during the Baby scoop era. I never met him because he passed from heart issues when I was 4. It is a great regret of mine and my grandma told me so the first time we met.
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I’ve always wanted to know what my lineage was. What my last name would have legally been. I wanted to know my Great-Grandmother’s name. I wanted to honor it. I wanted to remove the rabbit trails and reconnect the family tree time branches.
Last December I got sick THRICE in the month and one of those times got stuck in a neurodivergent hyper focused loop of figuring out this mystery. A decade ago I had taken both the Ancestry and 23 and Me tests. No hits.
Over the next ten years, every year or so I’d get curious and spend some time looking and investigating again. Slowly I watched people and pieces get locked in place. I reached out to a family member and took one giant leap closer. He wasn’t surprised. He provided me with some information that might be useful. He told me they were nice and had fond memories of them.
Then he died.
In two days in December I finally had enough pieces to narrow it down. Then I spent another day learning about DNA CMs etc. then I went into every DNA family sight I could.
And my guess had some solid evidence. That wasn’t his cousin, that was his mom. That wasn’t her husband, that was her Dad. That wasn’t his Dad that was his brother.
I texted my Biological Dad to let him know. I asked if he did first. Not everyone wants to know.
My Dad texted back, “yea I think I have his birth certificate here in the safe.”
SILENCE.
“His original one? I have a copy of the one with his adoptive on it
“Yea. His first one.”
My Dad’s family had his OG birth certificate the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME?! The whole time… THE WHOLE TIME?! *insert Sally Field’s voice*
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I am not changing my name to my Great- Grandmother’s first name. Her name was Martha. Her middle name however? LUCILLE. Lucifuckingcille.
I learned a lot about her. She spent time in a reservation school in Muskegon. I can’t find her name listed, but I did find siblings on the roster.(My DNA shows no indigenous at all). She and her husband placed my grandfather because of the Great Depression. They were impoverished. She went on to have many more children they raised. Here is her photo:
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I am DEFINITELY not changing my name to my Great-Grandfather’s name which happens to be ROYAL DICK.
I’ll give you a moment. I know. It was a lot to take in and process for me too. Was he one by character and not just trade? Did it have the same connotation back then? What were his parents thinking? Here is his photo. Finally know where my ears come from.
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After all those years of dreaming of some cool elegant last name…Deckinga: Not mine biologically. Devereaux: A name given out of necessity to a newborn who couldn’t be afforded. Coston: Married into and historically marred.
But DICK?!?!
Dick is a ha-ha from the universe to me. I mean COME ON.
I am a Dick.
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I found my family members and I found out my Grandfather’s Birth name written on his OG birth certificate. I remember seeing the text from my Dad the day after I’d let him know I’d connection the time lines. I remember audibly gasping.
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Cecil Dick.
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Of course his name was Cecil. Of course I always loved Cecilia.
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Here they are together:
I sat on this for almost a year. I’m still not sure what I am going to do with Andrea, or Andie. Andie means something to me because it was a gift from people who saw me. They even helped me choose the spelling because I have to be a bit extra always.
I want to keep my “big A” because it’s fun to write and for a few years that was my husband’s nickname for me because of my signature. I also really liked being alphabetically first. Why do you think I really married my husband. It moved my last name on letter closer!
My full name has never felt like me. Again, it feels borrowed. It feels like an expectation. I know I’ll be adding Cecilia in some way, but I’m just not sure what to do with Andrea or Andie. They don’t flow like I want them to. I mean - it also means “manly” and that’s not my identity.
Cecilia means “hidden.” As the best kept secret of my biological parent’s lives, it tracks. It also connects me to this process of becoming. As an adoptee and a late diagnosed neurodivergent person, I’ve spent most of my life hidden. It feels like it fits.
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Dick is out. We all know I’m definitely not adding Dick though. Even though it makes for some good memoir titles.
So right now I’m still Andie. Testing out Cecilia and playing around with options.
Cecilia Andromidon anyone? 😂
For real though, suggestions for what to do with Andrea welcome.